


In the Midnight Rain

by NothingxRemains



Series: Roots and Leaves [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, I want to be very clear bc its not vague in the slightest, I'm not great with tags ugh, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Is the plot as obvious as i think it is or is that just me, Loki (Marvel) Feels, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Torture, Soulmates, Suicide Attempt, What little plot there is, Whump, descriptions of torture, mentions of torture, yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-05 14:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16368983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NothingxRemains/pseuds/NothingxRemains
Summary: “What did you do, Loki?” he asks quietly. When Loki finally, finally raises his eyes to meet Tony’s, they are bottomless pools of despair.





	1. Chapter 1

Loki doesn’t know long it’s been since his performance at the opera. He feels exhausted and wrung out, and its probably the only thing saving him from the internal struggle of staying or fleeing; it seems easier to let Anthony lead him down the halls lined with guards that look extremely on edge, though he is not looking forward to whatever awaits him at the end of the final corridor. Anthony looks forward with an expression of grim determination but there is a heavy set to his shoulders, as if the weight of the world rests upon them. Loki guiltily wonders if he’s the one that put it there.

Finally they walk through a set of doors, where the Avengers wait arranged around a longtable, along with his brother and Director Fury. Their eyes upon him burn with accusations, and he averts his gaze. He has a lot to answer for, and knows that the only reason he walks free and unharmed is because Anthony has put himself and everything he represents between them. He feels like they’re judging him for it, for hiding behind a man he has so horribly wronged. He knows its irrational, that they accuse him of stealing the tesseract and they’re comrades, of his attempts to subjugate humanity. He squeezes Anthony’s hand and feels equal parts guilty and relieved when the man squeezes back.

“Aw guys, waiting for me? You shouldn’t have,” Anthony starts, flopping into a chair without letting go of Loki and kicking out a chair next to him. He slinks into it and immediately hates it, hates all of them watching him, hates all of it. He’s exhausted and his mind and his emotions are a mess, and he has not forgotten the ever looming threat of Thanos and the Other.

“Stark, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but your soulmate is a goddamn supervillian. So let me be clear about one thing: the only reason the two of you aren’t being held at gunpoint and dragged into maximum security cells is because you’re clearly the one in power here. Now start talking before I change my mind.”

Loki doesn’t realize he’s zoned out on the table until he feels a light touch on his arm. He startles and looks at Anthony, who’s looking at him with concern, mouth still set in a grim line. “Alright, Lokes. I’m gonna need you to work with me here, okay?” he says softly. He instantly recognizes that he’s being treated like a skittish animal, and were it anyone else he’d be verbally flaying them, but he would grovel on his knees with his face to the ground for this man, give him anything, and rejecting it doesn’t even occur to him. He quickly tries to figure out what it is he’s being asked--his thoughts are sluggish, slow, but he puts the pieces together and nods slowly. Licks his dry lips and looks down at their joined hands and sweeps his thumb back and forth. He feels like he’s balancing on a precipice and he knows that if he has to see them looking at him with hatred in their eyes that he will fall.

“I was sent here,” he starts, clearing his throat when his voice cracks, “by a creature known as the Mad Titan.” He hears a sharp intake of breath and knows it is Thor. He’s determined to make this succinct as possible. “I fell into the void, and landed in his domain, beyond the branches of Yggdrasil.” He doesn’t notice that his breathing has picked up. “I was subjected to... less than hospitable treatment, until I could figure out what he was after and offered my knowledge of the tesseract in exchange for freedom. I was given an army, and a weapon, and the promise of a throne.” He falls silent then, struggling to ignore the whispers of the creature’s indulgent voice echoing in his memory.

“Who is the Mad Titan?” one of them asks(the one he’d fought before, Captain America, Barton had told him).

“Are you trying to tell me that you did all of this against your _will_? Because you looked pretty enthusiastic about it back in Stuttgart. You’re gonna have to do a little better then that.”

 

* * *

 

Loki’s face blanks and his eyes glaze over, and doesn’t respond. Tony’s a little freaked out, because he can feel all the turbulent emotions churning under the surface, in a detached sort of way that lets him know its not his, but not enough to stop his own anxiety from rising.  “Lokes? Loki, hey,” he tries, reaching up and giving his cheek a little pat. Green eyes snap to his and for a moment the fear in them is directed at him, fear of him, and Loki jerks back and onto the floor, taking the chair with him. He’s up on his feet in moments, backing away from Tony again into the corner of the room. Tony’s up just as fast, advancing on him even after his back hits the wall and he starts to slide down it, hands half-raised in a defensive gesture.

“Stop, stop, please,” Loki rasps, and Tony pauses halfway to him, watches him slide to the floor and curl up there.

Tony clenches his jaw. “Why are you afraid of me?” he says. Loki’s eyes are downcast, briefly flicking towards the Avengers, who all jumped to attention the second Loki moved, half prepared to put him down until he did it himself.

“Tell me,” he demands, and sees his resistance crumple, though he still refuses to look at him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers, loud in the otherwise silent room. There’s more going on here than he’s seeing, and whatever it is he’s missing is what’s causing Loki to act like  this. Their bond hasn’t settled but he can still pick up on Loki’s emotions, and it’s an outpour that seems to gets louder as Tony gets closer until its nearly overwhelming, and he realizes that it’s _guilt._

“What did you do, Loki?” he asks quietly. When Loki finally, finally raises his eyes to meet Tony’s, they are bottomless pools of despair.

“I killed you.”


	2. Chapter 2

Tony looks at him in confusion, reaches out to him again. But just as he opens his mouth to speak his fingers touch Loki’s and he’s flooded with a stream of images. 

_ “Make your move, Reindeer Games.” Loki raising his hands in cautious surrender. _

_ “Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity.” _

_ “You’re missing the point. There’s no version of this where you come out on top.” _

_ “How will your friends have time for me, when they’re so busy fighting you?” Loki approaching him with a mad gleam in his blue eyes, raising the scepter. _

_ “You will all fall before me.” Fingers in a crushing grip around his throat, his vision going darker as he struggled to pull in air. _

The memories flash in a split second and he jerks away as though burned. He stumbles to his feet and backs up a couple steps, thoughts spinning. He’s barely aware of the rest of the team coming closer, questioning him, pointing guns threateningly at Loki. (The god flinches back from the storm swirling in his soulmate’s eyes, and the background stream of pain that had settled into his chest comes roaring back to the surface as Tony’s emotions wash over him.)

“What was that?” He says hoarsely, half his mind whirling with anger and betrayal at being  _ strangled to death _ by his _ soulmate,  _ the analytical parting snagging on key details and urging him to think harder. 

“Memories of your past life,” Loki responds dully, and Tony can’t put on his finger on it, if its in the way that Loki slumps his shoulders or pulls his knees closer or his eyes deaden, waiting for his soulmate to condemn him, as if his fate has already been decided. Maybe it has. And though part of him hurts to witness it, he’s too conflicted by the images still flashing in his head, wary of the god in a way he hadn’t been before.

Tony shakes his head, raising his hand to trace the phantom pressure of Loki’s hand on his neck. “That doesn’t make any sense. How could you, why…” The more volatile emotions are quickly receding under the number of discrepancies that start to reveal themselves the longer the memories loop in his head. They may as well be alone for all that Tony remembers that the other avengers are in the room. He studies Loki’s face as he goes through the memories again and again.

“What do you mean by ‘past life?’” he asks.

The answer comes from Thor, much closer than he had been before and no longer threatening, though Tony is startled by the reminder that there are in fact other people in the room. “It is foretold that the universe runs in cycles. It grows and flourishes for billions of years, and the end is triggered by the start of Ragnarok, the destruction, in which the universe perishes. From the ashes it begins again, and all the souls from the past cycle are reborn anew.”

Tony assimilates the information, and looks back at Loki. “Were we not soulmates, then?” 

“We were. It is one of the constants, that soulmates will always follow each other into the ether, destined to find each other.”

The confusion doesn’t abate. “It doesn’t make any sense. There was no reaction when we met in Stuttgart, like there was this time.”

Loki’s brow furrows ever so slightly. Tony observes this, and something clicks.

“How much do you remember, exactly?”

His face shutters, a perfectly blank mask again. “Enough,” is all he says.

“But not everything,” Tony extrapolates. 

Loki snarls at him in grief-fueled rage. “I remember your throat spasming in my grasp. I remember feeling my soul splinter as you struggled to draw your last breath. I remember--” and he stops, and the anger is gone just as quick as it had come, leaving Loki lost.

“Blue.” Tony blinks at him. “That was the last thing you said to me. You didn’t beg for your life or curse me, you wasted your dying breath to say it.” He looks at Tony, as if somehow he can somehow decipher what his past self was trying accomplish. 

“Blue,” he repeats, disbelieving. “Blue?” He searches his memory. It offers a series of snatches to him. The tesseract. The midnight blue of Pepper’s dress. Steve’s baby blue eyes, wide and searching, as he led an incoherent god to the quinjet. The unnatural blue of Barton’s eyes, and Selvig’s eyes on the camera footage, as Loki touched them with the scepter. 

“Blue,” he says. Stares into green eyes, remembers--

\-- _ a mad gleam in his blue eyes-- _

“The scepter,” he says, with something like dawning horror. And then realization hits hims with all the subtlety of a mac truck, a sudden, unshakeable clarity.

“You didn’t do this,” he finally understands. “This isn’t your army, this plan of yours, it isn’t--The Mad Titan, he gave you the scepter. Loki, who is he?” But Loki shakes his head, and for all that it seems the life has been sucked out of him, his eyes widen just a fraction, a touch of panic lighting them when Tony asks this of him, and unexpectedly, he look to Thor for help.

“His name is Thanos,” Thor says. “The legends say he courts Mistress Death herself, and offers her gifts by causing as many deaths as he can. They say he was cast out from his own people, and is truly immortal. By the Norns, Loki, the legends are older than the Allfather himself, how did you find such a creature?” 

Loki stares him down for a long moment, until Thor makes a pained face upon realization. “When you fell,” he says, and then his face contorts with grief and anger. “When you  _ let go,”  _ he corrects, briefly forgetting the more pressing matters at hand. “Why would you do that, brother? Why did you do all of those things?”

Immediately Loki bares his teeth, and Tony feels a glimmer of his rage. “I’m not your  _ brother _ , you fool. Will  you never learn?  __ I am a  _ monster _ , stolen and disguised to be a puppet king at the whims of the Allfather.”

Thor only looks more upset. “That is untrue. Father mourned for you, Loki, we all did.”

Loki scoffs at that. “I don’t believe you. I doubt he hardly bat an eye after I was gone, glad to finally be rid of me.”

“And what of mother?” Thor says, switching tracks. Loki’s jaw snaps shut with a click, looking agonized. “Do you think she did not cry for her younger son? Did you think she would isolate herself for months in her grief, blaming herself for never telling you what you were?” 

Apparently, Loki has no defense for this. Part of Tony wants to reach out and comfort him, to tell Thor off, but most of him is still conflicted, still trying to shove the pieces together and see the bigger picture. He thinks whatever happened with Loki and Thor must have been the catalyst(“when you  _ let go _ ,” “I am a  _ monster _ \--” and he doesn’t like the image it makes).

“Care to clue the rest of us in?” He says sardonically.

“It is no business of yours, Man of Iron,” Thor says, and then seems to remember that he’s Loki’s soulmate and that it actually is his business, and manages to somehow look sheepish and angry at the same time. It’s a very strange look, but he manages.

“Uhuh. You wanna try that again, Point Break?” He waits but Thor is no more forthcoming, so he turns to Loki. Tony has already figured out that Loki crumbles like a house of cards when it comes to him, and he already looks resigned when Tony turns to him next. He takes in the defensive posture and the way Loki is still on the floor with the rest of the Avengers looming over him, and briefly wonders if its an intentional manipulation to make himself seem less dangerous. He sighs.

“Alright, everybody out. Take ten, go find some food or somebody to stalk or something.”

“Stark, you’re in no position to be giving orders--” Fury immediately protests.

“You want the tesseract back right? So--”

“Well he’s your soulmate just tell him to give it back--”

“We have bigger problems here,” Tony shouts right over him, startling pretty much everyone in the room with his sudden vehemence. “This Thanos guy is a legend to gods, Nicky. He’s so omnipitent that somebody as formidable as Loki is scared shitless of him, he’s got an alien army and conquering worlds sounds like small dice for him. I’m trying to get to the bottom of this so just give me a goddamn minute, alright?”

Fury looks irate but he gives a curt nod. “You’ve got an hour, and then I expect answers. There are cameras in here and guards on every door, so don’t even think about trying anything. Romanoff, with me. Gentleman, I trust you can see yourselves out,” he says, and then he’s off with a flick of his trench coat, Natasha hot on his heels with a stoic face. Steve follows a small distance behind her, appearing for all the world like he has no idea what just happened. Thor is hesitant to leave, when Loki turned his whole like into chaos and then left him to grieve. But Loki refuses to look at him and Tony nails him with a stern look until he reluctantly shuffles out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be another sequel after this. I plan to catch us up to the events in infinity war one way or another, so this probably gonna be a lengthy series. Im open to suggestions on the way there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've suddenly lost interest in this series in light of a slightly better written (and significantly more thought out) one I started about a week ago. The last chapter for this will be up in a week, and the first chapter for the new story I'm writing will probably be up before then(also Frostiron, in case anyone's interested.)
> 
> Anyway. here's chapter 3.

It’s only when the door gives a quiet click behind him that Tony lets out a tense breath and lets his shoulders slump. He feels old, older than his forty-two years of life, ancient. Loki is tense as a bowstring, awaiting his verdict, and Tony just looks at him, lets the weight of his tired gaze rest on him. Something isn’t adding up finding the discrepancy is the key to figuring out this whole mess. This quiet, distraught mess on the floor in front of him is a far cry from the confident power-hungry creature that commanded the people of Stuttgart, and Tony is not at all surprised that he ended up with such a complicated soulmate, when he thinks about it. Tony is not a study in simplicity, after all. 

Loki startles when Tony drops himself on the floor next to him with a heavy sigh, pressing their arms together and leaning towards him. Loki remains deathly still under his touch, but Tony just thumps his head against the wall and waits. 

It takes a couple minutes for Loki to gather his courage and speak, heart already in his throat before he’s even opened his mouth, and Tony can feel the hysteria bubbling under the surface, although he does a masterful job of keeping it under wraps when Tony glances at his face.

“I grew up in Asgard, raised an Aesir prince alongside Thor for a thousand years, raised to believe that we were  _ born to be kings _ . ” He says the last part mockingly, as though quoting someone. “By the time Thor had been declared successor I was not surprised, but when they spoke of his coronation, I knew he was not ready. Blood-thirsty, battle-hungry Thor, with no care for politics and no thought for peace with other realms. A dangerous thing, that, for a king. I implored the All-Father and the royal advisors to see reason, to see that Thor was not ready. They thought me jealous,” he muses, and perhaps he had been, without realizing it. “So on the day of his coronation, just as the All-Father went to place the crown upon his head, Frost giants invaded and halted the proceedings. On this day Odin saw Thor in truth, and the coronation was delayed.” He hesitates, visible forces out his next words. “Frost giants, creatures of Jotunheim, are considered the hateful enemies of the Aesir, savage creatures that live like wild animals on their desolate planet and thirst for the blood of Aesir children, monsters with a touch cold enough to burn.” 

He has to stop and take deep breaths, has to wait until the scream of self-loathing recedes long enough for him to think straight. Tony(and he has some choice words to say about that thing that looked suspiciously like racism concerning the frost giants, but that could wait) grasps Loki’s trembling fist, conflicted emotions be damned, and almost immediately it opens to curl around his fingers. “Thor would wage war on them, would violate the peace treaty and send our people to their deaths to sate his blood-thirst, as he had seen the actions of a few as a slight from the king of Jotunheim himself, Laufey. Somehow, against the odds, we made it to Jotunheim unheeded and into the very court of the ice-king.” His lip curled into a silent snarl as he recalled Thor’s words,  _ Know your place, brother, _ hate burning in his eyes as he stared unseeing at the carpet. 

“For my intervention we would have fled unscathed,” he let his head drop back against the wall, remembering the insult the frost giant had called out, “but it was not to be. In the ensuing battle, one of the jotun gripped me by the arm. But instead of blackening my flesh as would the flesh of any Aesir, my skin changed to match that of the hand holding me captive.” His eyes unfocused, the way the sickly color spreading across his skin like an infection replaying in his mind’s eye. 

If there were anything good to say of his misadventures through the void and Thanos’ tender mercies, it was that it had distanced him from the events preceding his fall. Not a lot, but enough--Enough for him to sit here and spill the poison from his heart for someone else to see without losing himself to the pain. 

“I confronted Odin about it. He told me, a thousand years ago, in the war between Asgard and Jotunheim, amidst the blood-soaked fields and the bodies strewn about the earth, the wind carried a faint cry. He followed the cries to an abandoned temple, littered with dead, and found a babe. An abandoned runt. Laufeyson.”

At this Tony startles, eyes snapping to him. “Laufeyson? The king?” Loki nods, and Tony understands. “ _ Born to be kings _ ,” he repeats disbelievingly.

Loki smiles, and it is a bitter thing. “Indeed.”

Loki tells him the rest, of Odin falling into Odinsleep and the throne falling to him, of the rebellion of Thor’s warrior friends and that of the gatekeeper. He admits with some shame the incident of the Destroyer, so used to his unstoppable brother that he had not realized the fragility of his mortal body(truly it had not been an attempt to kill him, and had it not been for the failsafe Odin no doubt had placed in Mjolnir, Thor would have never moved again). He tells him of staging Laufey’s death and Thor and his friends barging in and ruining his moment of glory, of taking command of the bifrost and aiming with the intent of total planetary annihilation(Tony was  _ really _ going to have to talk to him about that at some point), of his fight with Thor and Odin’s rejection. 

“ _ No, Loki, _ ” he says, his voice hollow. He suddenly understands the absolute anguish on Thor’s face when he said  _ you let go _ with horrifying clarity, and he doesn’t realize he’s squeezing Loki’s hand so hard his knuckles turn white as he realizes that his soulmate tried to  _ kill himself _ . He must have said something out loud because Loki murmurs “tried to. Mistress Death herself must have rejected me, to survive something so merciless as the Void.” 

And he can see it, Loki hanging over the vast emptiness of space, hanging by a thread and begging for approval, the rejection slicing so deep that death becomes a merciful temptation too strong to resist. Something overtakes him, wraps around his heart and lungs and squeezes, and he can feel Loki’s concern, distantly feels hands cradling his face and a voice calling his name. “Tell me,” he demands, barely a whisper. “What happened next. Tell me what he did to you.” He knows, he knows that herein lies the the reason their destiny has become muddled and damned, in this pain and suffering that his soulmate endured, he will find the answer.

The hands on his face still, and it takes a minute for his shrieking mind to focus on the outside world again.

Loki’s eyes are unfocused, fingers still limply cupping his face. Tony can feel the undercurrent of...something, where his awareness of Loki’s emotions are concerned. Whatever it is, it’s not pleasant, and Tony purses his lips, searching his mind for a way to help while he struggles to calm down. He’s not allowed to freak out when he’s not the one who went through the trauma, especially not now when Loki needs something to keep him steady.  Gently he coaxes Loki onto his back, climbing over him. He’s careful to surround him without restricting his movement, trying to envelope him in the sound and scent and touch of  _ soulmate _ to anchor him. It seems to work a little bit, he thinks, as Loki draws a deep breath from the scant space between them, fingertips cautiously rising to brush his sides, slipping beneath the hem of his shirt and seeking out bare skin like he can’t help himself. Tony shifts minutely until he can find a comfortable position, and waits. 

Loki continues to take deep, measured breaths, drawing Tony’s scent deep into his lungs. It soothes some primal part of him, until he sinks into an almost meditative state. It takes several false starts before sound finally makes it past his lips.  

“I do not know… how long I drifted in the void, before I landed in his abode. It is a long, long way from here, beyond the branches of this galaxy. I do not know how long I lay unaware of my surroundings before I was found. I remember… I remember a sharp pain, bringing to life how much everything hurt, and the chittering language of the chitauri drifted over me…”

He goes on like this for a while, haltingly walking Tony through the experience. Being brought before Thanos, lost but still proud, still arrogant. Being manipulated into revealing his identity, a mistake he quickly learned to regret. Thanos’ twisted offer, Loki’s sharp refusal. How Thanos plucked him from his feet and rendering him helpless as a doll, personally delivering him into the care of The Other. How they tried to pry into his mind and reshape him, and failed. Moved onto to find other ways to break him.

“I’ve never been so aware of the number of bones in my body,” he says, whispering like a terrified child; Tony doesn’t blame him. “I’ll never forget the sensation of being skinned alive and left to the acid touch of deadspace, the absolute agonizing awareness of flesh growing back inch by burning inch. And when it was nearly over, they would come again, and try to break into my mind. Over and over again, like this. I tried not to break, Anthony, I tried so hard.” He doesn’t go into anymore detail then that, doesn’t think he can handle any more, and if he’s being honest Tony’s not sure he can either.  

It’s an effort not to be sick all over him but Tony manages, imitating Loki’s deep even breaths to control the roiling nausea. This is not the time for him to break down, but dammit he wants to find these people and blast them until there’s nothing left. 

“It’s not your fault,” he croaks. Clears his throat. If nothing else, this is one thing that Loki needs to know with absolute certainty. “It’s not your fault, Lokes. God it’s not, no one deserves that,” he says firmly, leaves no room for argument. 

A sob escapes through Loki’s gritted teeth, and Tony shakes as Loki’s emotions slam into him:  _ fearhelplessnessabandonmentwhywhyWHY.  _ He knows what he’s thinking, what he’s trying to hold back as tears escape from his closed eyes.  _ Why did this happen to me if I didn’t deserve it? Why did nobody come for me? _ And Tony doesn’t have the answers, god he wishes he did, but he doesn’t, and he hates that he wasn’t there for Loki then. He hates it but there’s nothing he can do but be here for Loki now. It’s clear to him now that whatever happened to them in their past lives had been a direct result of Thanos twisting fate, and he can’t, he just can’t hold it against Loki. Not with those images still in his mind, not now that he knows what Loki went through. 

So he kisses his face and strokes his hair, wraps his arms around Loki’s shoulders and gently lowers his weight down onto Loki, and then more firmly when Loki wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him closer. He’s not sure how long they stay like that, breathing into each other’s necks and hiding in the feelings of  _ soulmate _ until everything else drowns out. 

Eventually awareness of the outside world filters in again, and Tony wants to be done with is, wants to drag Loki home and hide him where no one can touch him or use him, but he can’t. There’s still a piece missing, something that doesn’t quite line up, doesn’t explain what went wrong last timeline that had caused a mistake so catastrophic that the damage had carried over into this timeline. Something that had caused Thanos to bind Loki to the scepter then but not now. What had changed? 

Thor’s words come back to him then, unbidden.  _ There is something wrong with his soul; it is damaged, somehow.  _ He knows that it was Tony’s death that had done it, there was nothing else it could have been.

Tony leans back as much as he can with his arms still wrapped around Loki’s shoulder, a measly few inches, and peers down at Loki. His hair is a mess and tear tracks dry on his temples, his skin is an unhealthy pale and his face is gaunt. But more then that, in the lines of his face, in the deep far away look in his eyes, Loki is tired. The kind of bone-deep exhaustion that sleep can’t fix. 

He goes over all their interactions since their encounter in Stuttgart, of Loki flinching away from him in terror, as if he were The Other, or Thanos himself. 

_ It’s not safe, Anthony, please. _

And then it clicks, and it makes his blood boil and his soul cry out as everything casts itself in a new light.

Plagued by a broken soulbond his entire life, losing his entire sense of self in the wake of learning his true heritage, abandoning himself to the void.

By the time Thanos got to him, Loki was already broken. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final chapter, a couple days late, sorry. That thing I meant to post isn't even up because I got distracted by _other things_ , which are actually posted if anyone's interested. That other thing will be there eventually.
> 
> Anyway, carry on.

He has to close his eyes against the anger that wells up in him, tries to get up but  Loki tightens his arms around his waist with a small sound that he barely hears of the blood rushing in his ears. He’s so angry he’s shaking with it, and after a minute he senses Loki’s fear responding to him. He kisses his temple, takes a deep breath to try and steady himself. “I’m not angry at you, Lo,” he murmurs, “god I’m not. You’re okay, you’re safe now, I promise.” 

Loki’s arms relax and the fear eases a little but it’s still present and he hates himself for putting it there, however unintentionally. He just breathes for a little while.

  
  


* * *

 

 

When the avengers come back not too much later, Loki’s settled in at the table again, Tony pacing circles around the longtable to shake off his restless energy. Loki is a study in falsehood, his face calm and his posture poised and graceful, hands folded on the table like they’re about to have a business meeting. He’s still feels a little shaky but he’s much better than he was when they’d all left. 

He waits until Fury and the others are settled in at the table, Natasha leaning against the wall, before directing his attention inward. It seemed that his choice of craft made it easier to manipulate their bond, so he brushes against their bond to get Anthony’s attention. He’s surprised he doesn’t react to it other than to follow his pacing trail all the way to his seat at Loki’s left. Loki offers his hand and he clasps it, sucks in a lungful of air and lets it out in a sigh. 

“Okay, I’ve pretty much figured it out, I just have to clarify one thing.” He turns to Loki.

“What do you remember?” He asks. “After… after I died.” Several eyes snap to his, something akin to horror blooming as the implications dawn on them; nobody survives the death of their soulmate, it’s just unheard of, goes against the laws of nature. It's the final piece to his theory, and he doesn’t want to bring up these awful things anymore, but he needs all the evidence that he can to proclaim Loki’s innocence.    
  


It seems that Loki never thought about it either, eyes wide. “I remember… a cell, in Asgard’s dungeons. And…” Tony feels the ache in his chest intensify again, a ghost of Loki’s remembered emotions following them.  _ Agony, exhaustion, forever _ . He feels nausea roiling in his stomach, and thinks that if the memory were any stronger he’d be sick. 

“I was there for a long time, I think,” Loki says quietly. Tony thinks he might be sick anyway. 

“Loki, how old are you?” he gets out.

“Just shy of a thousand, I believe, in midgardian years,” he says after a minute.

“And how,” he swallows, “how long do Aesir live?”

“Roughly five thousand years.” 

Nope, he’s definitely going to be sick.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When he’s done dry-heaving into the wastebasket, he walks back to the table and settles back into his chair with as much composure as he can muster. Loki looks guilty, and Tony squeezes his shoulder in assurance before he turns to the others. He has yet to hear a peep from Fury, Natasha, Steve, or Thor. They’re all grim-faced, especially Fury who looks practically ashen, from Tony’s guess, he’s probably the only one to actually have a soul-bond, and can imagine better than the rest of them what it would be like to survive the absence of it. Thor is staring at Loki in horror and Steve is looking at Tony the same way; Natasha, of course, looks unphased, although maybe a little paler than usual. 

“So,” he starts, taking in their expressions. “My theory is, the last go-round, Thanos mind-controlled Loki via the scepter before sending him to earth. Whatever power he used was strong enough to block our soul-bond, kept us from sensing each other. So much to the point that we didn’t notice until I died, which anyone would be aware of whether they’d met their soulmate or not, because they’d be dead.” He stops. Breathes. Keeps going. “I’m guessing that the impact of my death was strong enough to break the spell, and realize what he’d done. I’m also guessing… that the punishment for killing your soulmate is not a quick, painless death. Even gods die when they’re soulmates do, right?” He looks to Thor for confirmation, although he can see Loki’s nod out of the corner of his eye. 

“So this...damage, that you were born with,” he rubs the ache in his chest and Loki makes a tiny, distressed noise, probably not knowing Tony could feel it until now, hand flying up to his own chest, “Is a lingering result of… of that. Because of that, you weren’t as, as strong as you were, last time. Worn down by it for a thousand years, coupled with everything that happened right before you--” he trips on this part, because he has to spit it out, they have to know how bad a shape he was in, “before you tried to  _ kill yourself _ ,” he goes on, “and drifting unprotected through deadspace for who knows how long, by the time you were delivered to Thanos’  _ special treatment,  _ you’d already been put through the wringer.” 

He shakes his head, looks at Fury, Natasha. “He was tortured. But not just--a human can survive a lot before they give out. Can you imagine how much a god could survive?” Fury grimaces. “He was skinned alive, and then  _ left to dry _ in  _ deadspace  _ while it grew back. We can’t even survive space healthy and whole, unprotected.” Steve closes his eyes, looking more than a little green, and Thor swears in a language Tony can’t identify, and distantly he hears thunder rumble. 

Tony sits back in his chair, lets them all digest that for a minute. Takes Loki’s hand in his, thumb caressing his pulse point, feels it racing. He rubs soothing circles into his skin, waits until he feels it gradually calm.

“Thanos didn’t brainwash him this time because he didn’t have to,” Fury says into the silence, “that’s what you’re saying.”

Tony nods. 

Fury sits back in chair, lets out a sigh, and looks at Loki. “You can give us our agents back?”

Loki lets his uncertainty show. “I can try.”

“And what, pray tell, does that mean?”

“It means they’re not strictly under my control. I was simply given a tool with which to convert them and direct them, but it is tainted with more than just my influence. I can get them here but I can’t promise they’ll be completely cooperative.” 

Fury rubs his temples. Mutters something like ‘ _ mind-fuckery bullshit _ .’ Sits up and stares at the god with a steely gaze. “Are you done with this world-domination business?”

Loki resists the ever-present urge to be a smartass. “I am.”

“And you’re gonna help us clean up this mess?”

“I will, yes.”

Fury keeps staring at him, assessing him. Loki squeezes Tony’s hand, lets the Director see it, and it might as well be a declaration:  _ I’m staying _ . 

He glances at Natasha, who gives an almost imperceptible nod, and mutter  _ fuck it _ under his breath, heedless of the fact that everyone in the room except Tony can hear him, and gets up, rounding the table to head for the door. 

“I don’t like you, I don’t trust you, and this story that Tony’s pulled together doesn’t exactly have proof,” Although how you get proof of something that happened in a past life he couldn’t even begin to guess, but he’s not gonna tell them that, “but you might be our best shot at ending this with the least amount of casualties. You prove we can count on you, and we’ll go from there.” 

He pauses in the doorway, eyeballs Loki over his shoulder.  Enjoys the baffled look on Loki’s face(and everyone’s at the table, for that matter) at his next words as he leaves.

“Welcome to the Avengers Initiative.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like Fury, truth be told. He's a real down-to-earth, practical guy. I feel we expect the characters to be one way, and the actors/marvel portray them a slightly different way, and we don't always notice, so I try to include that. (I mean, I read a lot of stories about Fury being an evil hardass, so.)
> 
> Sorry if the ending was abrupt, I was trying to figure out how to conclude the chapter without dragging it out. How obvious was the plot? Was I obvious? I feel like I was.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading this far, I hope you enjoyed it. : D


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